Last night was a “date night at home” night so we decided to get a pizza and rent a movie for the evening.  Evenings like this are rare which can make it difficult to decide which movie to choose.  After scrolling through our options, watching trailers, and going back an forth on possible picks, we decided to go with “Nights in Rodanthe.”  Primarily because we like Diane Lane and the first movie we saw on our honeymoon was actually a Diane Lane flick (Under the Tuscan Sun).  So, we got  our popcorn, tea, and settled in.

remote

menu

press “On Demand”

scroll

press “buy”

confirm

title credits

regret

deep regret

shocked disdain

mocking hysterical laughter

anger at $4.99 rental fee

more mocking

praying for rapture to end human suffering

end credits.

Need I say more?

Actually, yes I do.  This movie was cinematic ipecac (drug used to induce vomiting after accidental poisoning).  I have never witnessed such needless, mindless, and pointless sentimentality with virtually no plot.  To call it “sappy” would be a step up.  The acting in this film was about as convincing and riveting as St. Millicent’s Parochial School for Girls’ 4th-grade production of “Dead Man Walking.”  I can only imagine what directions the director was giving while filming this:

“Look sad.”

“Walk on the beach and look sad.”

“Read the letter, look sad and cry.”

“I’m not really sure what this scene is about but look sad, cry, rant a little, hug each other, and then look sad.”

All this to say, avoid this film!  It will sear your soul void of any legitimate sentiment for those you love.  This movie is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

By the way,

Richard Gere’s character dies at the end.

I’m sorry but I felt that was necessary.  You’ll thank me one day.