One too many “Nights in Rodanthe”
Last night was a “date night at home” night so we decided to get a pizza and rent a movie for the evening. Evenings like this are rare which can make it difficult to decide which movie to choose. After scrolling through our options, watching trailers, and going back an forth on possible picks, we decided to go with “Nights in Rodanthe.” Primarily because we like Diane Lane and the first movie we saw on our honeymoon was actually a Diane Lane flick (Under the Tuscan Sun). So, we got our popcorn, tea, and settled in.
remote
menu
press “On Demand”
scroll
press “buy”
confirm
title credits
regret
deep regret
shocked disdain
mocking hysterical laughter
anger at $4.99 rental fee
more mocking
praying for rapture to end human suffering
end credits.
Need I say more?
Actually, yes I do. This movie was cinematic ipecac (drug used to induce vomiting after accidental poisoning). I have never witnessed such needless, mindless, and pointless sentimentality with virtually no plot. To call it “sappy” would be a step up. The acting in this film was about as convincing and riveting as St. Millicent’s Parochial School for Girls’ 4th-grade production of “Dead Man Walking.” I can only imagine what directions the director was giving while filming this:
“Look sad.”
“Walk on the beach and look sad.”
“Read the letter, look sad and cry.”
“I’m not really sure what this scene is about but look sad, cry, rant a little, hug each other, and then look sad.”
All this to say, avoid this film! It will sear your soul void of any legitimate sentiment for those you love. This movie is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
By the way,
Richard Gere’s character dies at the end.
I’m sorry but I felt that was necessary. You’ll thank me one day.
The Mac I Never Knew
Ok I realize that I haven’t posted for over a week but I have a good excuse. I’ve converted. Switched over. Gone to the other side. Yes, I am now officially a Mac user. It took a while to get my files transferred and my email and contact information converted while maintaining some level of work productivity. But, oh, was it worth it.
I have heard Mac users in the past tell me about the wonders of a Mac vs. PC. I would walk through an airport and see the clusters of stylish cases with their little fruit logos that would light up like a beacon of hope for a new world order. These Macinites would even seem to huddle together like nesting penguins and speak in strange tongues or “Mac-speak.” I thought they were evil. Part of a fraternity of devil spawn meant to suck me into their embittered web of Steve Jobs propaganda and deceit. Well, maybe that’s a little over the top . . . but I did think it was a lot of biased hype. You see, I was raised on PC and when I was doing database programming, PC was the only viable platform. But that was 6 years ago and things have changed. My wife will tell you that I can be a sucker for marketing so I have to admit the Apple commercials became intriguing to me. I would find myself peering over the shoulders of Mac worshipers and become entranced with things that were foreign to me such as speed and simplified menus. Finally the frustration of missing .dll files, error messages, constant start-ups and shut-downs, viruses, and program speeds that I could have rivaled with a chisel and stone pushed me over the edge. As my last PC began to take it’s last steps into the bright light, I said the words, “I___want___a___Mac.”
I powered up the strange little machine and what would follow would alter me forever. There are colors I’ve never seen and a screen so vivid I had to look away at first. All of my programs are waiting for me in a neat little line ecstatically wanting to be used as I briefly acknowledge their existence with the pass of my mouse. Then I’m introduced to “Spaces” and “Expose’.” I practically squeal with glee. Even my Office programs had features I never knew could exist. You close the monitor and it goes to sleep. You open it and it instantly wakes up! The list goes on and on.
But then I began to think of my life for the past 14 years. The pain, the suffering, the endless calls to tech support. I felt my heart grow cold. I could taste a bitter acidity as I realized . . .
I’d been lied to . . . . . . . . . brainwashed.
Bill Gates and his minions in their Seattle compound were one step away from having me selling roses at an intersection.
I had become a Microsoft Moonie.
Never again! Today, I apologize to Mac users everywhere for the intolerance and persecution you have endured. I am one of you and have always been at heart. You are my tribe. You are my people.
Matthew 23:13-36
Here Christ lays out seven woes to the scribes and Pharisees. A woe was a strong condemnation. These are in direct contrast to the seven blessings that are descried in the Sermon on the Mount. Here they form what is called a “chiastic pattern.” Basically, this was a popular literary form in Greek and Hebrew writings. It literally means “to shape like the letter ‘X’.” This mean that two or more clauses are related to each other through a reversed structure to make a point. You can see the example below:
A: First woe (v.31): failing to recognize Jesus as the Messiah
B: Second woe (v.15): superficially zealous, yet doing more harm than good.
C: Third woe (vv.16-22): misguided use of the Scripture.
D: Fourth woe (vv. 23-24): fundamental failure to discern the thrust of Scripture.
C: Fifth woe (vv.25-26): misguided use of the Scripture
B: Sixth woe (vv.27-28): superficially zealous, yet doing more harm than good.
A: Seventh woe (vv.29-32): heirs of those who failed to recognize the prophets.
The month just before Passover, it was customary to whitewash with lime, grave or grave-sites that might no easily be seen. This was so that pilgrims would not unintentionally come in contact with them and become ritually unclean. They were not objects of beauty but of disgust. Christ probably referred to them as “beautiful” because of their elaborate structure. The Pharisees are preoccupied with avoiding ritual defilement. They had the appearance of being virtuous but they were actually contaminating the people with their hypocrisy and undue burdens. Once again they were more committed to the works of the law rather than the heart of the law.
When I Grow Up . . .
I’m sorry but I thought this was hilarious. Someone sent this to me saying it was an actual homework assignment. I don’t know if that’s true but it still cracked me up!
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith
Matthew 23:2-10
The scribes and Pharisees were primarily responsible for teaching. The Scribes were the professional interpretive experts on the Torah while the Pharisees were the theologians on issues from the Torah. The “Moses seat” was a stone seat at the from of the synagogues where authoritative teachers sat. To sit on the seat of a person of authority would indicate succession and transfer of authority. this is why it was forbidden for anyone to sin on the throne of a king other than the king himself. This meant that the “teachers of the law” were Moses’ legal successors. Jesus points out that while they had authority in what they taught, they did not practice their teachings.
The teachings of the Pharisees and Scribes were especially burdensome. It was impossible to live up to the dictates of their teachings and they provided no relief for those who feel short. Christ said that His yoke was easy and His burden light. He also promises to give rest. Christ is the only one qualified to sit in Moses’ seat succeeding him as the authoritative teacher of God’s will and mind. With that authority, He gives us a burden that we can successfully carry and teachings we can live up to.