My apologies to everyone who may be hearing this for the first time via blog. It’s is not the preferred or ideal way to communicate news like this but I do want to make sure that people are in the loop, especially those who we have walked with for the past several years.

Angela and I are officially moving to Orlando! After much prayer and counsel, we believe that the Lord is moving us into a new season of our lives. As many of you may know, my church, New Song Christian Fellowship, has graciously released me to work for Exodus International for the past year and a half. I am now at the point in my position that I can no longer continue to effectively serve Exodus long distance. As we began the process of considering this move with the Exodus team, the opportunity arose for Angela to also come on board and serve in the area of communications. As we processed this together and with our team at New Song, it quickly became apparent that the Lord was calling us to Orlando.

We have put our home on the market as of yesterday and we will relocate once the house sells. As this is a significant transition and step of faith for both of us, we covet your prayers. Please pray for the quick sale of our home. We believe that the Lord has a specific buyer and that He wants to reveal Himself through this situation. Also, pray for God’s grace and provision for us in this next season. We truly desire to find the home that He would have for us in this next chapter of our lives.

While we are excited about new beginnings, it is certainly a bittersweet experience. We have lived in Nashville for the past 15 years and we both love our church family very much. I will never be able to adequately express my gratitude to those at New Song who have had such an instrumental part in my spiritual growth. You have made an eternal investment.

We will be keeping everyone in touch with this transition and our work with Exodus International via newsletter as we will be receiving missions support from our church. If you would like to be on our mailing list, please let me know.

Thank you for the place you have had in our lives and we are excited to share this journey with you!

Blessings!

Jeff & Angela Buchanan

My friend Randy (co-worker and boss at Exodus International) is going to be attending this event this evening:

If you know Randy, then you know just how entertaining this will be for those able to witness it.  In the spirit of the event, I’m sending Randy on a Crash-a-Rama scavenger hunt.  Randy will need to bring back the following photos from the event.

1. Woman wearing a bandana kerchief-style halter top with a pair of wood-grain Candies. (Extra credit for more than one picture or a picture of a group of women dressed this way.)

2. A middle-age woman wearing a muu-muu and eating pork rinds dipped in Miracle Whip. (Food requirement waived via negotiation)

3. Kissing cousins Renegotiated for a couple just hanging all over each other in that “Billy Bob and Ellen Sue go to the State Fair” kind of way.

4. Five mullets standing in a row in the Corn Dog line.

5. A “post-gay” man eating a corn dog, bear claw, chased with a Bud Light.

6. A picture of Randy having survived this ordeal.

If Randy successfully can bring back all of these pictures, i will give him a $30 gift card to Starbucks.  Let the games begin!

Last night was a “date night at home” night so we decided to get a pizza and rent a movie for the evening.  Evenings like this are rare which can make it difficult to decide which movie to choose.  After scrolling through our options, watching trailers, and going back an forth on possible picks, we decided to go with “Nights in Rodanthe.”  Primarily because we like Diane Lane and the first movie we saw on our honeymoon was actually a Diane Lane flick (Under the Tuscan Sun).  So, we got  our popcorn, tea, and settled in.

remote

menu

press “On Demand”

scroll

press “buy”

confirm

title credits

regret

deep regret

shocked disdain

mocking hysterical laughter

anger at $4.99 rental fee

more mocking

praying for rapture to end human suffering

end credits.

Need I say more?

Actually, yes I do.  This movie was cinematic ipecac (drug used to induce vomiting after accidental poisoning).  I have never witnessed such needless, mindless, and pointless sentimentality with virtually no plot.  To call it “sappy” would be a step up.  The acting in this film was about as convincing and riveting as St. Millicent’s Parochial School for Girls’ 4th-grade production of “Dead Man Walking.”  I can only imagine what directions the director was giving while filming this:

“Look sad.”

“Walk on the beach and look sad.”

“Read the letter, look sad and cry.”

“I’m not really sure what this scene is about but look sad, cry, rant a little, hug each other, and then look sad.”

All this to say, avoid this film!  It will sear your soul void of any legitimate sentiment for those you love.  This movie is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

By the way,

Richard Gere’s character dies at the end.

I’m sorry but I felt that was necessary.  You’ll thank me one day.

Ok I realize that I haven’t posted for over a week but I have a good excuse.  I’ve converted.  Switched over. Gone to the other side.  Yes, I am now officially a Mac user.  It took a while to get my files transferred and my email and contact information converted while maintaining some level of work productivity.  But, oh, was it worth it.

I have heard Mac users in the past tell me about the wonders of a Mac vs. PC.  I would walk through an airport and see the clusters of stylish cases with their little fruit logos that would light up like a beacon of hope for a new world order.  These Macinites would even seem to huddle together like nesting penguins and speak in strange tongues or “Mac-speak.”  I thought they were evil.  Part of a fraternity of devil spawn meant to suck me into their embittered web of Steve Jobs propaganda and deceit.  Well, maybe that’s a little over the top . . . but I did think it was a lot of biased hype.  You see, I was raised on PC and when I was doing database programming, PC was the only viable platform.  But that was 6 years ago and things have changed.  My wife will tell you that I can be a sucker for marketing so I have to admit the Apple commercials became intriguing to me.  I would find myself peering over the shoulders of Mac worshipers and become entranced with things that were foreign to me such as speed and simplified menus.  Finally the frustration of missing .dll files, error messages, constant start-ups and shut-downs, viruses, and program speeds that I could have rivaled with a chisel and stone pushed me over the edge.  As my last PC began to take it’s last steps into the bright light, I said the words, “I___want___a___Mac.”

I powered up the strange little machine and what would follow would alter me forever.  There are colors I’ve never seen and a screen so vivid I had to look away at first.  All of my programs are waiting for me in a neat little line ecstatically wanting to be used as I briefly acknowledge their existence with the pass of my mouse.  Then I’m introduced to “Spaces” and “Expose’.”  I practically squeal with glee.  Even my Office programs had features I never knew could exist.  You close the monitor and it goes to sleep.  You open it and it instantly wakes up!  The list goes on and on.

But then I began to think of my life for the past 14 years.  The pain, the suffering, the endless calls to tech support.  I felt my heart grow cold.  I could taste a bitter acidity as I realized . . .

I’d been lied to . . . . . . . . . brainwashed.

Bill Gates and his minions in their Seattle compound were one step away from having me selling roses at an intersection.

I had become a Microsoft Moonie.

Never again!  Today, I apologize to Mac users everywhere for the intolerance and persecution you have endured.  I am one of you and have always been at heart.  You are my tribe.  You are my people.

Ever have one of those weeks where it seems that if it can go wrong it will?  Well, welcome to my week.  It’s like attending a cow pie skeet-shoot and everyone yells “pull” at the same time and you’re left without an umbrella (get the picture?).  I’m talking about situations that range from the usual daily drama to the legitimately justified crisis all the way to the “you’ve got to be kidding me” ridiculous scenarios that can only be resolved by pharmaceutical intervention (and no, I don’t mean me). 

I certainly don’t want to make light of legitimate situations that are truly unavoidable and unintentional, it’s just the things that are unnecessary and can be prevented that are most challenging.  But these things do happen and believe it or not, they have a purpose. 

A few weeks ago, I felt that God was telling me to get ready for some stormy days ahead.  Not exactly what I typically like to hear.  But I realized that He was telling me so that I could focus and not become distracted.  As I was considering all of this, I was reminded of the potential benefits that storms can bring (I realize I’m changing metaphors but this is a little . . . ahem . . . less delicate to work around). 

Sometimes storms leave behind damage and destruction along with heavy rain.  In the midst and aftermath of a storm, you can feel disoriented, confused, and depending on the situation, a sense of loss.  However have you also noticed how clean the air is afterwards and how months of filth and dirt that have accumulated have been washed away?  You often see on the evening news how, in the midst of wreckage and debris, people begin to come together to provide relief and assistance.  There is a sense of unity that begins to form between people who were once strangers.  There is a common purpose that moves beyond people’s preferences and provides an opportunity for their character to be revealed.  It is during the rescue and rebuilding that heroes are made or discovered.  Challenging situations that seem insurmountable can give us some of our greatest stories of faithfulness, loyalty, provision and friendship.  No one likes going through a storm and having to wait it out.  But you have to remember, they don’t last forever.  They can just seem like they do.  Next time you see storm clouds on the horizon, just remember that they can also bring great opportunities with them. 

And as for things hitting the fan, . . . well . . . I’ll just leave it at that.

I don’t like flying.   I guess you could call it a fear.  It’s not enough to stop me from getting on a plane or enjoying traveling.  It’s just a low-grade unease that sets in.  A couple of years ago it was worse.  I think I believed that I could actually steer the plane by clawing the armrests as hard as I possibly could.  When we hit turbulence, it would take my prayer-life to a whole new level.  I would tell the person next to me how much I loved them and ask them to hold me.  I guess I would have gotten a better response if I knew them. 

These days, I’m more used to it since I ‘ve had to do more traveling.  I’m no longer dousing the plane with holy water and reciting the entire Book of Common Prayer.  I find that I love airports and enjoy the experience of travel.  A lot of it had to do with facing my fear rather than ignoring it or running from it.  I knew that if I was going to be able to continue with what God has called me to do, I would have to deal with it.  I remember praying one trip for a smooth ride and immediately I heard God say “Jeff, when have I ever promised you a smooth ride in anything?  I only promised that I would give you the grace for whatever you come against.”  Ouch!  Good point, God.  I should know better.  Strangely, once I accepted that fact, my fear began to diminish with each trip I took.  My faith was readjusted to be focused on the right things and as a result, my fears were in a process of being defeated. 

So the other night, I turned on the TV to find this on the screen -

I think I may have soiled myself . . .

I can only imagine what those poor people experienced during that ordeal.  Apparently, everyone remained calm and escaped without incident.  I definitely consider the crew of that flight all to be heroes and they should be commended!  As I continued to watch the news coverage and felt some old feelings begin to surface, I heard the Lord quietly remind me “I won’t always prevent you from enduring trials because that is where you are tested and grow, but I will always give you the grace for whatever comes your way.”  “You’re right, Lord.  Good reminder,”  I said.    I got my tea and sat down to listen to the accounts of heroism and rested with a fresh sense of confidence.

There are many commercials on TV right now that I find annoying:  the bearded man that yells incessantly about fabric glue or bleach alternative;  the “after 10″ advertisements for singles chat lines; and let’s not forget . . . five . . . five dollar . . . five dollar foot . . FOR THE LOVE OF  – - – - !! I’m sure that these have been used as interrogation resources in terrorists training camps.  However, these pale compared to the latest commercial for a sterling silver, brilliant genuine crystal, cross necklace. This isn’t just any regular crystal cross; oh no . . . it has the Lord’s Prayer embedded in a “secret” center stone.  Once you hold it up to the light, it magically reveals the entire prayer.

Why . . . .why is this necessary in life?

Is there a possible scenario that could warrant such a ghastly trinket?

What?  Am I going to be at a prayer meeting and have someone ask me to close the meeting with the Lord’s Prayer?

“Our Father, who is in heaven” . . .  I draw a blank . . . people are staring!  I start to break into a flop-sweat . . . but wait!

I have my Genuine Brilliant Crystal Lord’s Prayer Cross ($19.95 plus shipping and handling.  Call right now and we’ll double your order!) In a quick move I clasp the cross between my hands and lift it desperately into the air just a couple of inches from my face.  I squint with strained intensity as I begin to read the microscopic print.  (Everyone thinks that I’m being moved by the Spirit a probably just a little closer to Jesus.)  Like James Earl Jones, I recite each word with an apocalyptic voice as people begin to weep.  Lives are changed . . . things will never be the same again.

Ok, a little over-the-top, I know . . . but while I certainly have no problem with the wearing of a cross as a symbol of authentic faith, I begin to draw the line when it is suffocating in the cavernous cleavage of some pop diva who, while receiving her MTV award in her studded dog collar and clear heels, blurts out, “I wanna giva holla out to Jesus fer makin’ this possible!  Aw-rite!?  Yeh.”  I’m sorry; it just lacks a little something.

But just as bad, if not worse, is the Christian sub-culture that has retail marketers and corporations foaming at the mouth in an anticipatory frenzy.  Just go to any convention, bookstore, or trade show and you can find almost anything.  From myrrh perfume (have you smelled myrrh, by the way?) to Jesus action figures.  It’s there!

But there is something about what we have done with the cross.  In the first century church, the cross was a frightening representation of execution.  In fact, the early Christians rarely used it in iconography because of its painful and gruesome method of execution.  The closest example we would have today would be the electric chair.  Now while I am not a huge fan of making this over-simplified comparison, it does make a point.  It was a method of torturous execution.  There is something dangerous about taking the cross and making it into a keepsake or trendy symbol or trinket.  It makes it too safe.  It makes it familiar and diminishes its ability to remind us of the terrible sacrifice that Christ made for us.  It makes us forget that we too must make a sacrifice to truly follow Him.  It becomes just another pop-culture icon lost in a sea of everything relevant.  Like I said, I have no problem with people wearing a cross or having it tattooed on their body, just as long as they understand what it represents and much like everything else with our faith, it has to mean something to them.  That’s where the power is.

It’s that time of year again where gluttony is considered vice chic and everyone expects the day to be reminiscent of the front cover of the 1953 Thanksgiving issue of “The Saturday Evening Post.”  Hosts and Hostess have spent days preparing the menu, decorating, and coordinating guests lists and responsibilities for this most significant of days.  We seek out the perfect recipes for the most important menu item; the turkey.  The turkey has become iconic with this festive holiday and therefore it is crucial that the host/hostess must ensure it’s perfection.  For days we have envisioned carrying this majestic bird on a elegant platter worthy enough to serve royalty.  Guests are overcome with emotion as they realize they are in a moment in time that will be captured in their hearts and likely become a keepsake in their portfolio of memories.  For that moment, the world becomes a better place.  All thanks to the expertise of world-renowned mentors of cooking that coach us, encourage us, and give us delightful visual aids, such as the one above, that serve as the finish line to an exhausting culinary journey.  With this inspired confidence, we know that we can’t fail.

However . . . .

For the past four hours I have been on a basting schedule that was obviously written by someone with OCD.  Helpful note:  open the roasting pan lid away from your face when attempting to baste.  Otherwise, you will receive a searing herbal facial that will make your guests think you have rosacea.  Which each basting, I had a growing concern regarding the “ascetic” of my bird.  It began to look more and more like an argument against the lab testing of animals.  Me being the cock-eyed optimist that I am chose to believe the end result would be what the all-wise yoda of Cooking Light promised me.  Finally the time had arrived . . .

I pull the roaster from the oven

open the lid (opposing direction)

the steam clears

I ask you . . . does this look ANYTHING like the picture above . . . I think not!  I obviously bought the edition written by a chef from the Hannibal Lector Culinary Institute.

I can hear it know

“Oh I see Jeff is a supporter of the Tennessee Road Kill legislation.”

The last time I saw something like this was in 8th grade biology class and I was holding a scalpel.  My only chance is to hurl this bird carcass at my guests as they come in because that is the only way this neanderthal pigeon autopsy is going to make an impression.

(Sigh)

Oh well, I guess I should start hacking away at this animal so it can be presented in a way that doesn’t induce vomiting.

There’s always next year . . .

I’m ordering out.

Indiana Wesleyan University

Eight hours of solid talking and I am tuckered out!  I had the opportunity to train and speak with the Residential Directors and Advisors at Indiana Wesleyan today.  I gave a one hour lecture at the beginning of the day and followed up with seven hours of Q&A with individual small groups.  I always love connecting with university students and the college environment.  IWU staff has been so friendly and accommodating and it’s always encouraging to see a university willing to address the issue with students.  A couple of students even made a Starbucks run for me during the afternoon sessions!  They will have a special place in heaven sitting just a little closer to Jesus.

Strengths Finder 2.0

I’m usually not big on personality or assessment tests.  But I have to say I’m impressed with this one.  I love the premise of this book as it states that you can’t be whatever you want to be.  Rather, you are supposed to become the best that you were created to be.  We are always working on our weaknesses rather than capitalizing on our strengths.  While this concept is not new to me, I sure wish I had learned about it before I spent 10 years pursuing a classical music career.  I spent so many years developing and training a skill that had significant limitations.  Had I realized earlier what my true strengths were, I could have saved a whole lot of money and been a little further down the road doing what I was supposed to be doing.  But God has a way of redeeming the time and correcting our course when we take our little trips down crackpipe lane.  

The premise of the book is there are 34 themes; patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior that can be usefully utilized.  Out of these themes, there are five that surface as being the strongest and most dominant.  Our pastoral team is in the process of taking the test to see how we compliment each other and better work together.  This should be interesting.  Apparently, mine turned out to be:  

1.  Responsibility

2.  Command

3.  Competition

4.  Activator

5.  Strategic

Now I must confess that I enjoy the hyper-masculine overtones of this list.  However No. 3 was a little bit of a surprise.  I never really considered myself competitive.  The only thing I’ve ever asked is for the slow and incompetent to do what I tell them and get out of my way.  The fact that this is on my list is a little concerning since I’m on pastoral team and categorically this is considered sin!  I’m sure this is just eluding to my commitment to compete against and defeat the forces of darkness.  That makes sense . . . right?