The Mac I Never Knew

Ok I realize that I haven’t posted for over a week but I have a good excuse.  I’ve converted.  Switched over. Gone to the other side.  Yes, I am now officially a Mac user.  It took a while to get my files transferred and my email and contact information converted while maintaining some level of work productivity.  But, oh, was it worth it.

I have heard Mac users in the past tell me about the wonders of a Mac vs. PC.  I would walk through an airport and see the clusters of stylish cases with their little fruit logos that would light up like a beacon of hope for a new world order.  These Macinites would even seem to huddle together like nesting penguins and speak in strange tongues or “Mac-speak.”  I thought they were evil.  Part of a fraternity of devil spawn meant to suck me into their embittered web of Steve Jobs propaganda and deceit.  Well, maybe that’s a little over the top . . . but I did think it was a lot of biased hype.  You see, I was raised on PC and when I was doing database programming, PC was the only viable platform.  But that was 6 years ago and things have changed.  My wife will tell you that I can be a sucker for marketing so I have to admit the Apple commercials became intriguing to me.  I would find myself peering over the shoulders of Mac worshipers and become entranced with things that were foreign to me such as speed and simplified menus.  Finally the frustration of missing .dll files, error messages, constant start-ups and shut-downs, viruses, and program speeds that I could have rivaled with a chisel and stone pushed me over the edge.  As my last PC began to take it’s last steps into the bright light, I said the words, “I___want___a___Mac.”

I powered up the strange little machine and what would follow would alter me forever.  There are colors I’ve never seen and a screen so vivid I had to look away at first.  All of my programs are waiting for me in a neat little line ecstatically wanting to be used as I briefly acknowledge their existence with the pass of my mouse.  Then I’m introduced to “Spaces” and “Expose’.”  I practically squeal with glee.  Even my Office programs had features I never knew could exist.  You close the monitor and it goes to sleep.  You open it and it instantly wakes up!  The list goes on and on.

But then I began to think of my life for the past 14 years.  The pain, the suffering, the endless calls to tech support.  I felt my heart grow cold.  I could taste a bitter acidity as I realized . . .

I’d been lied to . . . . . . . . . brainwashed.

Bill Gates and his minions in their Seattle compound were one step away from having me selling roses at an intersection.

I had become a Microsoft Moonie.

Never again!  Today, I apologize to Mac users everywhere for the intolerance and persecution you have endured.  I am one of you and have always been at heart.  You are my tribe.  You are my people.